toxic workplaces – Schpilkes The Blog

Choosing Purpose Over Pay

I choose to live my life with purpose and joy—and that choice extends to my work.

I worked eleven days in a row again—not by choice, but by necessity. Part of it was for my division, and part of it was for our parent company.

As my direct boss kept pointing out, “You’re not getting paid extra for this—why are you doing it?”

I’m an exempt employee, so in reality, it doesn’t matter how much I work. I could work two hours or twenty-four in a day, and my salary would stay the same. Maybe my bonus will be bigger, but I don’t have high hopes for that.

Yes, I wasn’t paid extra for this assignment. But I’m at a stage in my life—and my career—where I care deeply about having interest in what I do. I outgrew my current job years ago and chose to stay because it gives me flexibility. That flexibility allows me to take care of my two other loves (besides my husband and kids): my dog and my Pilates class. It also gives me the freedom to manage my side hustles.

When my boss mentioned—again—that I shouldn’t be working for another division because I wasn’t getting paid, I was taken aback. It wasn’t the response I expected, especially from someone in management.

I later told my husband how everything went down, and he pointed out that her reaction reflected her perspective, likely shaped by her own issues with management, and was not a reflection of my actions.

He was right, of course. I might even tell him that one day.

In the meantime, I’ll continue carving my own path at work—choosing projects that bring me joy and fulfillment—until the day I decide to retire and turn my side hustles into my full-time focus.

“Apparently, ‘I’ Is a Problem”

This past week, I was reprimanded at work—verbally, of course. They never put anything in writing.

No, I didn’t do anything outrageous. I sent an email about IT problems in the office. Since the IT guy was scheduled to stop by, I wrote that I needed something fixed.

The horror. Apparently, writing “I need” instead of “we need” is a big enough deal to warrant a call from my boss.

To clarify: the IT problems were specific to me. I was the one whose internet wasn’t working. I was the one using my personal hotspot and personal cell phone to get work done.

Still, my boss looked me in the eye and told me it was inappropriate to write “I.” I asked if she was serious. She was.

But wait—there’s more.

Last month, I got pulled aside because “someone” heard me say I had maxed out my vacation days and needed to start using them. That was apparently gossip-worthy.

This is a pattern. I keep getting spoken to—always verbally, never formally—about things “someone” heard me say.

What’s strange is that this is not a terrible place to work. Most people are kind, helpful, and just trying to do their jobs. But management? That’s another story.

Ironically, my annual review was glowing, and my bonus was great. So, clearly, I’m doing something right. Right?

We even did harassment training earlier this year. It had a section on bullying and toxic behavior. I guess some folks in management skipped that part.

Let me be clear:

Is this nitpicking? Yes.
Is it creating a culture of fear and second-guessing? Absolutely.
Is it starting to feel toxic? More and more.
Am I being targeted? It really feels like it.
Why? I honestly have no idea.

This is a private, family-owned company. I’m not a threat. I’m not gunning for anyone’s job. I just want to do my work, collect my paycheck, and go home to my dog.

When my boss called me about the email, I said what I’ve been thinking: “This feels like harassment.” I asked that future complaints be formal and in writing.

Not holding my breath on that one.

So now I’m wondering:
Do I just show up this week and wait for whatever “someone” says next?
Do I say nothing?
Do I start documenting everything and protect myself?

I don’t know the answer yet. But I do know this: I’m not crazy. And I’m not alone.

No One Gave Me a Dragon

I woke up with a panic attack at 1 a.m. last night. It took me three hours to calm down and fall asleep again. Needless to say, I’m exhausted this morning.
My husband asked me what was bothering me, and it took me a while to figure it out. I had to retrace all my steps from the day before. Eventually, I remembered a conversation I had with a coworker—we were talking about that odd feeling you get when you return to work after a long vacation.
I told him that ever since my husband started his new job, he no longer experiences that “back to work” anxiety. For those of us who dread Monday even after a regular weekend, that kind of peace feels like a distant dream.
My husband was laid off at the beginning of 2024 from one of those massive high-tech companies. It was the kind of job that felt like it would never end—6 a.m. and 10 p.m. meetings with overseas teams, constant Slack pings, nonstop reporting. He didn’t like it, even though the pay was great. Honestly, he was pretty unhappy.
When the layoffs began, they crept closer and closer to his division—until they finally reached him.
It took some time, but he eventually found a new job. It doesn’t come with high-tech pay, but it does come with something better: boundaries. Normal working hours. The ability to mentally switch from work mode to home mode.
He recently returned from a ten-day bike trip in Europe with our son—and went back to work without any stress or anxiety. It’s really nice to see him like this.
Unfortunately, that’s not how things feel for me.
Some days, my work feels like a Game of Thrones episode—but no one is giving me a dragon. And honestly, I really want a dragon.
Office politics aren’t my favorite. Working with toxic coworkers? Even less so. But the worst part is waking up in the middle of the night with a work-related panic attack.
I don’t have the answers yet about what comes next. I need time to think. I’ll figure it out eventually—dragon or no dragon.

#WorkAnxiety #BurnoutIsReal #MentalHealthMatters #WorkLifeBalance #BlogPost #GameOfThronesMood

Why do toxic workplaces exist in the first place?

Is it poor leadership? Bad hiring choices? Or is it simply a case of management being unaware of what’s actually going on?

A friend of mine recently shared a situation that really illustrates the issue. Her boss approached her and said that someone had spoken to a higher-up, complaining that she had prevented them from raising an issue or making a change. This incident, supposedly, happened months ago. No name was given. No date. No written complaint. Just vague hearsay.

Here’s the kicker—my friend wasn’t even involved in the situation the complaint was about. She’s not responsible for the area in question and has no authority over it. Plus, her office promotes an “open door” policy—everyone has everyone’s contact info. So why was this brought up at all, and in such an unclear way?

What upset her most was the lack of clarity and transparency. She couldn’t defend herself because there were no facts to respond to—just a murky accusation floating in the air. Now, she’s left wondering which colleague might be talking behind her back, and whether leadership believes the claim. Trust has eroded.

This, to me, is a perfect example of what toxic environments look like in action—not just overt bullying or blatant discrimination, but subtle moments that breed fear, mistrust, and isolation.

When leadership fails to address conflict with transparency, and instead spreads vague complaints with no accountability, they don’t solve problems—they create them.

Have you experienced something like this in your workplace? How do you think companies can do better?

#ToxicWorkplace #OfficePolitics #WorkplaceTransparency #EmployeeStories #LeadershipMatters #TrustAtWork #WorkLife

You Found My Blog. Here’s What I Think

I write because I love writing, I always did. It is a great hobby that you can take anywhere with you. All I need is a piece of paper and a writing utensil. When I have inspiration you can find my writings on napkins, sticky notes and scribbles everywhere and wherever I am.

I am also a shy introvert, at least this is how I see myself. So all my social media is under a pseudonym not because I am hiding my identity but because I am shy and I value my privacy.

My dogs have a great tik tok and instagram and my public tiktok and instagram are ok as well, both of them do not even have any postings with my face or my name, again I am an introvert who lives her public persona through her dogs and blog.

I post about what I feel like and I write about what I want to or care about, family life, dogs, food, travel and work, yes work. I was told at work recently that corporate did not appreciate one of my blog posts. I found that interesting as I never ever mention where I work and even on my professional work related social media it does not name any of my work places.

They did not dispute what I wrote, but rather did not appreciate it. I typically do not write about anything that I have not written in the employee surveys and yet in those I was ignored. But someone had some spare time on their hands and found a blog that does not mention them or references them in any way on a social media platform that does not even have my name on.

After that first thought the second thought was – is this a veil threat? I do not like to be threatened and I do not like to be censored so I asked and was told no. But still the message that I got was just to know we follow your writing so in actuality it is a threat even if it was not meant that way.

This all goes back to what message you are giving your employees, the message I got was not positive and left a bad taste in my mouth. So if it was meant to be different it was surely handled wrong.

And I will continue writing about what I want, and if I write about my place of employment I promise to not to use its name and hopefully they will not provide me with anything major to write about. However, this is a free country.

So my message to corporate- Since you know who I am, you can always call me. I will be happy to tell you in person what I think and I am always happy to help and you are welcome to use my talents. I appreciate you reading my blog, I earned a big amount of twenty five cents from you going there and am closer to drinking a lava flow on a tropical beach. Feel free to add some likes or comments and for heaven’s sake finally fix the air conditioner.

#CorporateLife #WorkThoughts #RealTalk #OfficePolitics #FreeSpeech
#RespectWriters #VoiceMatters

They Found Me. My Dog’s Still Free.

I recently had to change a picture on my blog—not because of copyright issues, but for privacy reasons.

It was an old photo of me, one I really liked. It showed my face clearly, and it was a genuinely good picture. But the thing is, I’m a private and somewhat shy person. I work in a customer service role, and most of our customers live in the same area I do. That means I often run into them—at the gym, the grocery store, out walking the dogs, or even at dinner.

I try to stay as under-the-radar as possible: hat, sunglasses, sitting in the back, and minding my own business. Still, people have stopped me in public before to ask work-related questions. I usually manage to steer the conversation away, but there was one time a parent stopped me in the feminine product aisle at Target, with her teenage son, to ask me about work. My daughter, a teen at the time, and the boy were both so mortified that it was honestly kind of hilarious.

Recently, my anonymous pseudonym somehow ended up on corporate’s radar—again. There’s no mention of my name, employer, or location on the blog, but corporate still managed to find it. They didn’t like what I wrote. Ironically, they didn’t dispute anything I said; they just wanted me to know they were watching.

So this past weekend turned into a whirlwind of blocking people on social media, locking down my LinkedIn (which doesn’t even list my employer), and generally trying to cut off access to “Big Brother.” Unfortunately, that meant taking down the really good picture of myself, too.

The silver lining? My dog’s profile is still public.

#DigitalPrivacy #OnlineAnonymity #PrivacyMatters #LivingIncognito #BoundariesMatter #OfflineIsOkay #WorkLifeBalance #CorporateCulture
#OutsideOfOfficeHours#NotAtWork#FoundByCorporate#LifeBeyondWor#BlogLife
#WriterLife#PersonalBlog#RealTalk#WritingThroughIt#TrueStory

Surveys, Feedback, and the Silence That Follows

Every year, my employer sends out an anonymous survey to gather employee feedback, but I can’t help but wonder why they even bother. It’s supposed to be a chance for employees to voice their thoughts, yet nothing ever seems to change—and I’m not sure anyone even believes it’s anonymous.

The first time I filled out the survey, I was the only one in the company with my unique position, so my feedback was easily identifiable. In the comments section, I pointed out that the survey couldn’t truly be anonymous for someone in my position. Little did they know, that was just the beginning of me becoming a “thorn” in their side.

Since then, I’ve continued to fill out the survey honestly, even though I know no one really cares about my feedback. I figured out how to make the sections for areas of improvement larger. One year, I copy-pasted my MBA thesis on leadership—full of practical advice for change—just to see if anyone would notice. It was a thesis that earned a distinction, yet still, nothing changed.

I love my job, and I genuinely like the people I work with, which is why I’m still here after many years. But I can’t help but question the purpose of these surveys. Are they just for show so the company can tick a box and say they care? Or are there companies out there that actually listen to their employees and take meaningful action?

I know this conversation has probably been had many times before, and some companies do genuinely care about their employees. But for me, I’m still not sure.

The Importance of Patient Communication in Healthcare.

Or Bruised, Bandaged and Ignored!

This morning, I had my routine monthly blood tests. I get these quite often and know my body—and my veins, which are sometimes tricky. When I arrived at my appointment, I noticed a new phlebotomist. As usual, I explained that my veins tend to roll and that one side is better for drawing blood.

Unfortunately, my advice went unheard. Not only did he overlook my concerns about my veins, but he also failed to address my need for clear communication. I had told him that I am hard of hearing and need him to speak directly to me instead of turning his back.

I work in a fast-paced customer service job, speaking with many people every day. At the end of a long day, all I want is to remove my hearing aids and enjoy the silence. Having spent most of my life in customer service, I understand the challenges of balancing customer demands with providing quality service. But I also know that true service goes beyond just hearing; it’s about truly listening.

Dealing with an invisible disability comes with unique challenges. Listening to people costs nothing but can make a huge difference. Today’s experience highlighted a gap in how some service providers train their staff—not just in technical skills, but in valuing patients as individuals. It felt as though I was just another patient being processed through a conveyor belt.

By the time I left, both of my arms were sore, bruised, and bandaged. But what left the deepest mark was the feeling of being ignored.

When you had enough

I quit my previous job after almost five years many years ago. I quit without notice and I did not even give my employer at the time the courtesy of two week’s notice. I was burned out, working in a toxic workplace that had me having PTSD every text message I received from the owner. I saw the owner and his wife several weeks after I quit and had such a big panic attack and that just proved to me how terrible this workplace was.I liked my work, it was fun and challenging. I didn’t like the owner, his ethics and his work practices and definitely did not like the fact that his personal life with ex wife and second wife kept spilling to the workplace and got me stuck in between quite frequently. But as I returned to the workforce after many years as a stay at home mom, my choices were limited and I needed work experience on my resume. Employers looked at my volunteer experience and said great and ignored it.Me quitting without notice was way before the great resignation of the last two years, some employers and workplaces were toxic even before. There have been many articles lately about how you need to quit “nicely”, give your employer transition time and maybe get a good reference from them as well. But reality for some of us might be different. Some workplaces are so hard to endure that the daily panic attacks and the anxiety are not worth it. And at the end of the day we all need to do what we need to do to survive and keep our sanity. I do not regret quitting, I did leave everything for my employer organized and made sure that they will be able to continue functioning, not because he was worth it but because my internal justice mechanism would not let me do it otherwise. So recommendations are great on how to leave a workplace but there are so many reasons why we leave, and in some instances we have to put ourselves first.

The true judgment of character is how we treat other human beings.

I partially work in a front facing customer support job. Every once in a while we have that one customer that we all scratch our heads and do not believe they are real. We are a multicultural workplace, we are all multilingual and most of us speak more than 3 languages, so we are all fluent in ,most of the bad worse used.

We had a customer who we could not assist with their request. We explained why and even spoke to the customer’s husband on the phone explaining everything. The husband was polite and understood where we were coming from. The wife was a different case, in the presence of her son she started cursing the office in her native language, which most of us understand and described us as having the oldest profession on earth. The words she used were very crude and yes, she thought we did not understand her and we continued to smile politely while enduring all the insults.

What did this customer get out of this, absolutely nothing. Besides venting her frustration in a very extremely poor manner, he taught her child that it is ok to abuse and mistreat customer service people, definitely taught him a word or two that he did not need to learn at his age. Did she achieve anything, nothing at all. We all remember her now and like any business we have the right to refuse service.

The big picture is why do people treat customer service in this way? When has rude and crude behavior become the acceptable norm.We have noticed more mistreatment especially after the pandemic. People have become more impatient, rude and expect everyone to answer them asap if you can not. I was always taught that if you treat people nicely you will be treated nicely back, the old saying – you get more flies with honey, still stands true in my opinion. And just because you treat a server, cashier or anyone else in a rude manner does not make you better than them. There is no justification for rude behavior and being an asshole

The true judgment of character is how we treat other human beings.