Tag: love

The True Cost of “Divide and Conquer”

One approach to problem-solving is to divide and conquer—breaking a massive project into smaller, manageable pieces to tackle them one by one. It’s a stellar strategy for tasks.

But when applied to people, “divide and conquer” takes on a malicious meaning. It isn’t about managing workloads; it’s about ensuring people are alienated, suspicious of one another, and operating from a place of fear.

In the workplace, using divide-and-conquer tactics against your own team is not a strategy. It is a defense mechanism used by insecure managers who lack true leadership skills. Instead of cultivating talent and fostering growth, they create an atmosphere of anxiety and divisiveness to mask their own failures.

Unfortunately, I currently find myself employed by an organization that permits this behavior. The owners operate through a rigid, top-down cultural framework where control overrides collaboration. Having grown up in an environment that fosters genuine leadership over mere management, I learned early on that leading by example is the gold standard. That is how I choose to show up in my daily life and my career.

Working under leadership that actively breeds negativity is a massive challenge. It makes my blood pressure boil, and I find myself constantly upset. But that frustration has ultimately led me to my next step.

Hitting a milestone like almost 59 brings a certain level of clarity. I’ve realized that absorbing this negativity is no way to live. Dealing with fear, chronic stress, and having to sit in my car in the office parking lot just to psych myself up to walk through the front door is not healthy at any stage of life—and it’s certainly not how I want to spend my time now. I am ready for calm, and I am ready for purpose.

So, I’ve started my own business. What began as a side hustle is rapidly becoming my priority. The choice ahead of me is clear, and the decision will be made very soon.

 Choosing Purpose Over Pay

I choose to live my life with purpose and joy—and that choice extends to my work.

I worked eleven days in a row again—not by choice, but by necessity. Part of it was for my division, and part of it was for our parent company.

As my direct boss kept pointing out, “You’re not getting paid extra for this—why are you doing it?”

I’m an exempt employee, so in reality, it doesn’t matter how much I work. I could work two hours or twenty-four in a day, and my salary would stay the same. Maybe my bonus will be bigger, but I don’t have high hopes for that.

Yes, I wasn’t paid extra for this assignment. But I’m at a stage in my life—and my career—where I care deeply about having interest in what I do. I outgrew my current job years ago and chose to stay because it gives me flexibility. That flexibility allows me to take care of my two other loves (besides my husband and kids): my dog and my Pilates class. It also gives me the freedom to manage my side hustles.

When my boss mentioned—again—that I shouldn’t be working for another division because I wasn’t getting paid, I was taken aback. It wasn’t the response I expected, especially from someone in management.

I later told my husband how everything went down, and he pointed out that her reaction reflected her perspective, likely shaped by her own issues with management, and was not a reflection of my actions.

He was right, of course. I might even tell him that one day.

In the meantime, I’ll continue carving my own path at work—choosing projects that bring me joy and fulfillment—until the day I decide to retire and turn my side hustles into my full-time focus.

More Than a Birthday: The Power of Friendship and Support

I had a great day yesterday, as my group of friends celebrated a major milestone: one of our own turned sixty! Instead of going out for drinks or dinner—which would have been the easy route—we opted for a day trip. The birthday girl chose the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens for our special day together.

The Huntington Library had been on my to-do list for years. I’ve lived in the area for the last 30 years and had never made the time to visit. The place is simply beautiful, and on a typical Southern California December day, it was hot—77 degrees in December! We had a lovely time, enjoying a private tour, a delicious lunch, and some good coffee.

But what really made the day special wasn’t just the fact that we were celebrating a birthday—it was the fact that we were together as a group. We’ve been friends for more than fifteen years, and we come from very diverse backgrounds, with different political views, life stages, and experiences. Despite our differences, we manage to celebrate each other and be there for one another.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we became each other’s “bubble group,” offering support through both happy and difficult times. Luckily, our husbands get along too, which makes everything even more enjoyable!

We make sure to carve out time for each other in our busy lives. We try to check in weekly, and we’ve established our own “headquarters” at a local coffee shop. What makes our friendship work is that, despite our differences, we respect each other’s viewpoints and cherish each other in every other way.

They say that having strong friendships and a solid support system is one of the most important factors for happiness in life, and I truly believe that. Surround yourself with good friends—friends who will be there not only for the good and easy days but especially for the bad ones, and for every milestone you experience along the way.