Tag: relationships

So we joined a committee…

We joined a committee today — a very interesting one: a committee of Turkey Vultures.

On my way to the Passenger Prince’s work, there’s a huge group of Turkey Vultures that like to sun their wings on the surrounding trees. I kept calling them a flock, but apparently, the proper term is a committee when they’re perched in trees.

I first noticed them when I started driving the Passenger Prince to work and asked if he had ever seen them. Apparently, he never had. It’s a big group of birds with an impressive wingspan — for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how he’d never noticed them before.

What I’ve learned from being his chauffeur is that we really do notice different things. Once, we were both looking at a new car that passed by and wondered if it might be electric. I looked for the power hookup area while he looked for the exhaust pipe. We laughed when we compared notes — we were both right, just using different methods.

Ever since then, the Passenger Prince and I have been very involved in this committee. We check which trees or buildings they’re perched on, how large the group is that morning, and how they seem to be doing.

It’s a conversation that, if you’d asked me years ago, I would have laughed at the idea of having. But just like our almost forty years together, our marriage and our conversations evolve — and apparently, we even join committees.

Living with a Height Difference: Shelf Life Struggles

We are a house divided, but not by sports teams or political views. It’s something far more concrete—our height—and, more specifically, where we place things on shelves.

I’m what you might call fun-sized, or, as others might say, petite, vertically challenged, or short. My other half, however, is above average height—at 6’2″, we literally have a whole foot of difference between us. I’ve been short all my life, so this was hardly a surprise to him when we got married.

I used to wear heels—heck, I could even run in them. But in the last 30 years, things have changed. Since having kids, I swapped stilettos for sneakers. Playgrounds, strollers, and dog walking are much easier in flats!

Now, my taller half prefers everything to be placed higher up. As for me? I constantly need a step stool just to reach anything. I’ve developed a rather uncanny ability to use everyday utensils to grab things from high shelves, but let’s be real—I’d much rather have everything within reach.

I always thought it was easier to bend down than to reach up, but I might have been wrong. He can never seem to find anything that’s at my eye level. Meanwhile, I’ve learned that shelves at my height are the perfect place to hide things in plain sight from him.

I really tried to compromise. I moved some everyday items to a taller shelf, but that didn’t seem to solve the problem.

Yesterday, he complained about not finding anything because I’d put all the common items on lower shelves. I reminded him, jokingly, that I’ve always been short. He didn’t have a response. Guess there’s no winning when it comes to height!

More Than a Birthday: The Power of Friendship and Support

I had a great day yesterday, as my group of friends celebrated a major milestone: one of our own turned sixty! Instead of going out for drinks or dinner—which would have been the easy route—we opted for a day trip. The birthday girl chose the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens for our special day together.

The Huntington Library had been on my to-do list for years. I’ve lived in the area for the last 30 years and had never made the time to visit. The place is simply beautiful, and on a typical Southern California December day, it was hot—77 degrees in December! We had a lovely time, enjoying a private tour, a delicious lunch, and some good coffee.

But what really made the day special wasn’t just the fact that we were celebrating a birthday—it was the fact that we were together as a group. We’ve been friends for more than fifteen years, and we come from very diverse backgrounds, with different political views, life stages, and experiences. Despite our differences, we manage to celebrate each other and be there for one another.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we became each other’s “bubble group,” offering support through both happy and difficult times. Luckily, our husbands get along too, which makes everything even more enjoyable!

We make sure to carve out time for each other in our busy lives. We try to check in weekly, and we’ve established our own “headquarters” at a local coffee shop. What makes our friendship work is that, despite our differences, we respect each other’s viewpoints and cherish each other in every other way.

They say that having strong friendships and a solid support system is one of the most important factors for happiness in life, and I truly believe that. Surround yourself with good friends—friends who will be there not only for the good and easy days but especially for the bad ones, and for every milestone you experience along the way.

Benchmarks or how I became a prune.

A year and a half ago I broke my foot, it was completely my fault as instead of looking where I was going, my eyes were glued to my cell phone and I stepped down a step straight onto my dog’s 3 pronged nylabone and lost my balance. Completely avoidable!

Showering was not fun with a broken foot as I needed to sit in a chair in the shower and where the chair could be positioned meant I could not reach the on/off valve. I am after all  what some people call “fun size” or vertically challenged. That meant that my husband had to be around and turn the water off for me. And here lies the problem, he forgot me. He sometimes had to answer work calls or someone pinged him on teams and he just forgot me. He claims he really did not forget, he was just getting around to it, really. While I was sitting in the shower with the water all over me I considered adding a middle name , Prune. You would think that sitting in the warm water is nice, it is, to a point. I managed, god knows how, to get up on one functioning leg, turn off the faucet and get out of the shower while maneuvering the chair to do this. Surprisingly I did not break any other bones in my body or the shower glass door on my way out. There is something to be said about being short in a tall world, I learned tricks and ways to reach.

We  are finally  remodeling our shower, a shower that is just slightly younger than me but in many ways is stronger than me. After we agreed to compromise and my husband compromised in letting me choose whatever weird tile I wanted, the topic of adding a bench or shelf came up. My husband suggested a bench so the next time I break my foot we will not need to use a chair. My response was, thank you for the vote of confidence but why would you think I am planning on breaking my foot or anything else again? Quiet.

After a while he expanded that we might need to add some support fixtures in the future so a bench is a good idea. Now, it is a good idea as I will be able to put the shampoos and shower stuff nicely on this bench, not exactly what he meant. He suggested we put the bench on one side of the shower and could not understand what my issue was. I explained again that I am short with a very small wing span and will not be able to reach the valve from the bench. Apparently after being together 35 years he never noticed that I am a head and a half shorter than him. 

We are currently at a stand still about this great bench, it will be another bench mark in our ongoing relationship.