Tag: friendship

The Mourning We Don’t Talk About

In life, we mourn many things—not always death.

I’ve mourned my celiac diagnosis, my sudden hearing loss, and most recently, a friendship of nearly 30 years that quietly came to an end.

When I was first diagnosed with celiac disease, I mourned my freedom. The freedom to eat without fear, without reading every label, without scanning menus for hidden gluten. Back then, gluten-free options were scarce, and most of them tasted awful. I remember walking through Costco and crying, realizing there was nothing I could buy there ever again. That moment stayed with me. It took a long time to adjust to this new reality—20 years later, I still feel that sense of loss sometimes.

When I lost my hearing overnight, I mourned again—this time with fear. Fear of navigating life without a major sense, one that’s crucial for safety, for work, for connecting with others. I’m now five years into living with hearing loss, and some days are still hard. Crowded spaces overwhelm me. Conversations at parties are nearly impossible. I’ve become even more of an introvert, not by choice, but by necessity.

And this past year, I’ve been mourning a friendship. A nearly 30-year bond with someone I once considered a true friend. The kind of friend you shop with, laugh with, lean on. The one who would’ve helped me pick a dress for my daughter’s wedding, told me the truth in the fitting room, and listened when I needed to vent. She would have been there—and I would’ve done the same for her.

I have other friends. Good friends. But that doesn’t erase the ache of letting go of someone who once held a permanent place in your life.

Grief comes in many forms. And like any loss, it moves in stages. Maybe I’ve reached the final one. Maybe I’m at acceptance.

Or maybe I’m just learning that some grief never really ends—it just changes shape.

More Than a Birthday: The Power of Friendship and Support

I had a great day yesterday, as my group of friends celebrated a major milestone: one of our own turned sixty! Instead of going out for drinks or dinner—which would have been the easy route—we opted for a day trip. The birthday girl chose the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens for our special day together.

The Huntington Library had been on my to-do list for years. I’ve lived in the area for the last 30 years and had never made the time to visit. The place is simply beautiful, and on a typical Southern California December day, it was hot—77 degrees in December! We had a lovely time, enjoying a private tour, a delicious lunch, and some good coffee.

But what really made the day special wasn’t just the fact that we were celebrating a birthday—it was the fact that we were together as a group. We’ve been friends for more than fifteen years, and we come from very diverse backgrounds, with different political views, life stages, and experiences. Despite our differences, we manage to celebrate each other and be there for one another.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we became each other’s “bubble group,” offering support through both happy and difficult times. Luckily, our husbands get along too, which makes everything even more enjoyable!

We make sure to carve out time for each other in our busy lives. We try to check in weekly, and we’ve established our own “headquarters” at a local coffee shop. What makes our friendship work is that, despite our differences, we respect each other’s viewpoints and cherish each other in every other way.

They say that having strong friendships and a solid support system is one of the most important factors for happiness in life, and I truly believe that. Surround yourself with good friends—friends who will be there not only for the good and easy days but especially for the bad ones, and for every milestone you experience along the way.

My support group

I had a fun day today, I finally had a fun day with my close friends. We  drove to the  big city, had a great brunch and had a great time all around. But the best time we had was not at brunch or sightseeing, it was actually when we were stuck in a traffic jam for two hours.

For two hours we spoke honestly and openly and it was great, most importantly we actually listened to each other without judgment. We figured out we haven’t had time together like this in a couple of years. Before the pandemic we traveled together and saw each other  frequently, but somewhere during the pandemic we didn’t get together as much as we could and when we did it was  with our spouses and families as this was our covid bubble.

I didn’t realize how much I needed our girl time until today. We tend to forget how much we need our close friends and the emotional support we provide them and they provide us. They say that those with close friends have healthier and better lives. These amazing women are the ones that when they see I can’t figure out what the conversation is around me (I have severe hearing loss) tell me what’s going on and make sure that with all my food allergies I have something to eat. These women were my support when I lost my hearing, broke my foot and were my support through all my other mishaps and I am happy they are in my life.

I came home with renewed  energy and the feeling that with their support I can handle anything else the universe throws my way. 

Keeping up with old friends

I meet with my lunch group once a month. We have been friends since our kids were in elementary school so we have known each other for over 20 years. We started getting together once a month when our kids graduated Highschool and we realized that we will not get to see each other at drop off, pick up or school events anymore.

These women have been part of my life for many years, we cried together and laughed together. We celebrated when our kids graduated school, when they started college, when they graduated college and now when our kids are in a different stage of life and are starting their own families. This support was essential to our emotional well being during the pandemic and made us realize how much we needed these catch up lunches.

The last couple of years we all became busy again, life tends to do this and it was harder to meet as there was at least every other month of one us exposed to covid. Lately we added a Friday check in text, we text the group a couple of lines on how our week was. This way we are not only in touch but as one of our group members said – it forced her to think about something positive that she had in the past week, an excellent way to start the weekend on a positive note.

Maybe we all need to stop and pause and ask ourselves what was positive in our day, week or month, even if it is something small. I myself am really grateful that these ladies have stuck with me for the last 20 something years.