Self help – Page 5 – Schpilkes The Blog

Starting Fresh: A Rescue Dog’s New Beginning and Ours

Our house has been very quiet the last 6 months since we lost our previous dog. The house was quiet, no dog toys everywhere, and my daily step count plunged. We were on a walk last week, talking about the possibility of getting a new dog. Little did we know, fate would intervene quickly—the very next morning, we found a dog looking for a home, and after applying, we welcomed our new girl.

Our new girl came from a rescue, and no one knows how old she is. All we know is that she was neglected and was looking for a loving forever home. Our previous dogs were puppies when we got them, so adopting a rescue is a new experience for us.

There is a 3-3-3 rule when you adopt a dog: it takes 3 days for the dog to decompress, 3 weeks to learn the household routine, and 3 months to fully settle in. We are on day 6, and she is starting to settle in—getting used to our routine, to us, to the neighborhood, learning some basic commands, and even starting to respond to her name (which she never had before).

As she is getting acclimated to our house and to us, we are also learning about her. This takes patience. Patience to follow her lead as she gets more comfortable around us, and patience for us in training her. Patience isn’t just necessary—it’s great. But not everyone is naturally patient. I’ll admit, I’m the type who wants things done yesterday. In a world where we get instant gratification from likes on social media and next-day Amazon deliveries, waiting for certain things can feel unnatural. But she is teaching me to stop focusing on her behavior, to follow her lead, and to be patient as she gets used to us.

She is also teaching me to manage my expectations. With puppies, you grow and train together. But with a rescue, the dog comes with its own set of experiences—good or bad training, and perhaps habits that need to be unlearned or reinforced. It’s not about lowering my expectations, but rather adjusting them to what’s realistic for the dog we’re adopting.

Our girl got a new lease on life and is getting a brand new beginning, and just like her, we can also start a new path and reinvent ourselves.

Taking Time Off: My Vacation Insights

Things I Learned from My Last Vacation

I took my vacation during winter break and went to Maui, where I had a lot of fun. It did take me two or three days to decompress and finally relax. I work long hours, typically over 40 hours a week, and usually work six days a week in some capacity.

But what really hit me was when I went to put my vacation days on my timesheet and discovered that, even with my week off, I still had five more weeks of vacation available to me. This wasn’t because my employer offers generous paid time off—quite the opposite. It’s because even when the office is officially closed, someone always has to be on call. Apparently, I’ve been that person for the last several years, even though I never volunteered for the role.

The funny thing is, there’s really no reason for anyone to be on call during our breaks. My job is one of those where, when we’re closed, there’s nothing to do—no urgent emails to answer or tasks to tackle. Yet, someone at headquarters decided that there always has to be an on-call person. Unfortunately for me, only a few people can fill that role.

I was asked to be the on-call person during the second week of our office break and also to take on a specific project—one that could easily be handled during our regular work weeks and didn’t require extra time from me, as I’m usually ahead on all my assignments. So when I came back from Maui, it dawned on me that I really needed this time off, and there was no reason for me to take on this extra project. I decided to continue my vacation. Even though I was technically the on-call person, I only handled the “urgent” matters (which, by the way, were nonexistent) and limited my work to what was absolutely necessary.

When everyone returned to the office, my boss asked if I had completed the project. I simply said no. This will be handled during regular work days and hours. Just like everyone else, I took my well-earned break and used my vacation days. If you’re wondering whether I was disciplined or reprimanded, I wasn’t. Sometimes, lightning strikes, and even headquarters realizes their requests are unreasonable.w

So, what did I learn?

It’s okay to say no when work intrudes on time off. I’ve learned that I need a better work-life balance—not only because my employer doesn’t appreciate or reward me for it, but also because I need it for my own sanity. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “I’m needed at work,” but that’s a bottomless pit with no real rewards. Work-life balance is a must, as are vacations and time off. They’re essential for both productivity and mental well-being.

I’m already penciling in my time off for 2025 and will make sure to follow my own advice.

“Still Deaf, Still Together: Navigating Marriage with Hearing Loss”

Had a Great Conversation with My Husband

This morning, I had a great conversation with my husband. I was still lying in bed, while he was getting dressed in the walk-in closet. What made this conversation truly memorable, however, was that I was without my hearing aids. He was talking to me from beyond a wall, and I could only hear sounds, not words—kind of like the Charlie Brown cartoons, where all you hear is noise instead of actual speech.

I kept telling him I didn’t have my hearing aids in yet, but apparently, even with his excellent hearing, he couldn’t hear me. So, when he finally came into the room, I calmly looked at him and said, “You know, I’m still deaf.”

With my hearing aids in, I can hear quite well, but there are still limitations. I can’t hear well from the other side of the house, or beyond walls, and occasionally, in a noisy room or crowd, I can get a bit lost. I can usually follow most conversations, and my brain fills in the gaps for what I miss. But there have been times when my brain got it wrong, and I completely misunderstood what was being said—or agreed to something I would never have if I had heard the conversation clearly. Thankfully, nothing I agreed to in those moments was anything too crazy.

My hearing loss is not new to my husband. He was there when I lost my hearing overnight, four and a half years ago. He stood by me when I was scared about navigating a hearing world, feeling overwhelmed at social gatherings because I couldn’t understand what people were saying. He was there when I fought with our health insurance company to get my hearing aids covered and when I had to adapt my entire life to my new reality without a crucial sense.

Yet, despite all of this, my husband—who’s been with me through every step of this journey—still sometimes forgets that I can’t hear a thing without my hearing aids. It can be frustrating in a marriage, but luckily for him, I have a sense of humor (most of the time).

Maybe it’s because I lost my hearing that we’re still together after almost thirty-five years. After all, I don’t always hear what he says—the good or the bad.

#HearingLoss

#HearingAids

#Deafness

#MarriageJourney

#LivingWithDisability

#HearingLossAwareness

#DisabilityAndLove

#HearingImpairment

#LifeWithHearingLoss

#LoveAndLoss

#DeafAndProud

#HearingChallenges

Start Your Day Right: The Power of Making Your Bed

I saw something interesting on my TikTok feed this week: an inspirational speech by Admiral William McRaven. Although it was an old one, it still resonated with me. McRaven said, “If you want to change the world, start by making your bed.” My first reaction to this was, huh? As a young adult, I always argued with my mother about making the bed. I never understood the point of it, especially if I was just going to mess it up again later. I hated making my bed, and I’m not even sure why I kept arguing about it.

But then, McRaven explained that making your bed in the morning is the first task you accomplish of the day. It’s a simple, basic task, but it’s a completed task nonetheless. When you start your day by completing just one thing, it sets the tone for accomplishing more throughout the day.

Often, when we decide to make huge changes in our lives—especially around New Year’s—we aim for something big without breaking it down into smaller, achievable steps. And when we can’t figure out how to tackle it, we give up. Many people say they want to organize their house this year, but that’s such a big, vague task that most give up by the second week of January. If we instead commit to organizing one drawer each month, it becomes more achievable and easy to manage. We often say we’ll lose weight or enroll in a gym, but forget to break our exercise routines into small, manageable steps.

Life isn’t always about the end goal, but about how we reach it. We need to write down our plans, break them into smaller steps, and focus on accomplishing those.

So, start your morning by making your bed. It doesn’t need to be perfect, but seeing that one small task completed will give you the motivation to continue. I know it always makes me feel happy and ready to take on the day.

Living with a Height Difference: Shelf Life Struggles

We are a house divided, but not by sports teams or political views. It’s something far more concrete—our height—and, more specifically, where we place things on shelves.

I’m what you might call fun-sized, or, as others might say, petite, vertically challenged, or short. My other half, however, is above average height—at 6’2″, we literally have a whole foot of difference between us. I’ve been short all my life, so this was hardly a surprise to him when we got married.

I used to wear heels—heck, I could even run in them. But in the last 30 years, things have changed. Since having kids, I swapped stilettos for sneakers. Playgrounds, strollers, and dog walking are much easier in flats!

Now, my taller half prefers everything to be placed higher up. As for me? I constantly need a step stool just to reach anything. I’ve developed a rather uncanny ability to use everyday utensils to grab things from high shelves, but let’s be real—I’d much rather have everything within reach.

I always thought it was easier to bend down than to reach up, but I might have been wrong. He can never seem to find anything that’s at my eye level. Meanwhile, I’ve learned that shelves at my height are the perfect place to hide things in plain sight from him.

I really tried to compromise. I moved some everyday items to a taller shelf, but that didn’t seem to solve the problem.

Yesterday, he complained about not finding anything because I’d put all the common items on lower shelves. I reminded him, jokingly, that I’ve always been short. He didn’t have a response. Guess there’s no winning when it comes to height!

Small Changes, Big Impact – My January Resolutions.

As January 1st approaches, so do the typical New Year’s resolutions. Gyms become packed with people hoping to exercise more and lose weight, and exercise machines and gym clothes are on sale everywhere. However, not every resolution has to be a huge, overwhelming goal that is unlikely to be followed through. Instead, choose a couple of realistic ones—and maybe one big, ambitious goal for fun.

Personally, I avoid setting wild resolutions because my life is already hectic enough. But here are some simple, achievable resolutions I’m committing to for the new year ahead, focusing on my well-being and peace of mind:

Toss out old makeup and check expiration dates.
Beauty products can expire and become ineffective or even harmful. It’s time for a refresh!
Replace those worn-out toilet cleaning brushes.
We all know how grimy these can get. A new brush will keep things fresh!
Go through your home library and donate a few books.
Clear out books you no longer need, and pass them on to a local charity or library to give them new life.
Tackle one junk drawer.
Pick a drawer in your home, clean it out, and organize it. Small decluttering efforts make a big difference.
Commit to one day a month without social media.
Giving yourself a break from screens can improve mental health and foster more meaningful connections.
Reach out to a friend you haven’t heard from in a while.
Life can get busy, but reconnecting with old friends can be refreshing and rewarding.
Meet a friend for a walk or a hike.
Physical activity paired with quality time is a great way to bond while staying active.
Update all your security settings.
Make sure all your accounts have strong passwords, two-step authentication, and up-to-date security settings.
Remember that there is life beyond work.
Balance is key to avoiding burnout, so take time for yourself outside of your professional commitments.
“Buy Flowers for Yourself Once a Week”

Flowers have a way of brightening up any space and boosting your mood. Make it a weekly habit to treat yourself to a fresh bouquet. It’s a simple, inexpensive way to bring beauty and joy into your life—plus, it’s a reminder to take care of yourself!

These resolutions are manageable and focused on improving my everyday life. Feel free to use my goals as a base and adapt to your life and I hope you’ll consider setting your own personal, achievable goals this year!

Apparently, I have a gazillion lipsticks and o don’t even use any of these colors!

An Old Dog, A New Couch, and Social Media: Learning New Tricks

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I challenge that saying.
Our dogs were always allowed on the couches—until this past week. After 23 years, we finally bought a new one. We sure needed it. The old one was ratty, my Sagey girl had dug holes in it, and my other half used duct tape to try and fix those holes.

For the past couple of years, my better half kept saying, “Once the dog dies, we’ll get a new sofa.” Well, sadly, my Sagey girl passed away very unexpectedly, and yes, I’m still crying. Yes, she was just a dog, but my heart is still filled with grief daily.

With Sage gone and the sofa looking worse for wear, it was truly time to get a new one. My very choosy partner went to his favorite store’s website and found a sofa he liked—an L-shaped, leather, greenish-blue one.

Sage is gone, but my two grand-dogs are very much alive, very lively, and they love to jump on sofas. So the question became: How do we make sure they don’t climb on the new one? Apparently, you can teach an old dog new tricks, because after a few days, Benjito the schnauzer and Cedar the Australian Shepherd got the message (mostly).

I’m not a huge fan of social media. Sure, I can spend time scrolling through reels and other people’s posts, but I’ve never been particularly invested in it. That is, until my kids challenged me to try it. I opened a TikTok account for Sagey, and to my surprise, it took off—well, not wildly, but good for a mid-century modern-aged woman.

The past year has been a bit difficult. My country is at war, my husband was laid off, and my dog died. It really sounds like a country song, doesn’t it? My brain pretty much shut down. But over the last couple of months, my mind has started to function again. Creativity is flowing, and I decided to dive into learning about social media. I’m learning a lot—watching tutorials, signing up for every class I can find on the subject, and, of course, posting. Not everything I post is great, but I’m learning and improving with every post.

Will I quit my full-time job? No. Am I making money from anything I post? Not yet, but maybe one day. Is it nice to see the “insights” area under my posts say “earned,” even if the number is zero? Absolutely. So, this old dog is learning new tricks, too.

More Than a Birthday: The Power of Friendship and Support

I had a great day yesterday, as my group of friends celebrated a major milestone: one of our own turned sixty! Instead of going out for drinks or dinner—which would have been the easy route—we opted for a day trip. The birthday girl chose the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens for our special day together.

The Huntington Library had been on my to-do list for years. I’ve lived in the area for the last 30 years and had never made the time to visit. The place is simply beautiful, and on a typical Southern California December day, it was hot—77 degrees in December! We had a lovely time, enjoying a private tour, a delicious lunch, and some good coffee.

But what really made the day special wasn’t just the fact that we were celebrating a birthday—it was the fact that we were together as a group. We’ve been friends for more than fifteen years, and we come from very diverse backgrounds, with different political views, life stages, and experiences. Despite our differences, we manage to celebrate each other and be there for one another.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we became each other’s “bubble group,” offering support through both happy and difficult times. Luckily, our husbands get along too, which makes everything even more enjoyable!

We make sure to carve out time for each other in our busy lives. We try to check in weekly, and we’ve established our own “headquarters” at a local coffee shop. What makes our friendship work is that, despite our differences, we respect each other’s viewpoints and cherish each other in every other way.

They say that having strong friendships and a solid support system is one of the most important factors for happiness in life, and I truly believe that. Surround yourself with good friends—friends who will be there not only for the good and easy days but especially for the bad ones, and for every milestone you experience along the way.

Laughing at Parenthood: Dreams, Gas Tanks, and Growing Up

I got an angry phone call from my daughter today. Not that this is unusual, but this time it was funny. Apparently, she dreamt that I took her car without telling her, changed all of her settings, and then left it in the middle of the street. I asked her if I also left her gas tank empty, and she said, “No.”

During my kids’ teenage years, when we had only two cars, my car would frequently be returned to me with all the settings messed up and with an empty gas tank. So, hearing her complain about this in a dream felt like semi payback, even if it was just in her subconscious.

I’m thinking of giving her suggestions for future dreams—like leaving the kitchen clean and coming back to find the sink full, or folding and ironing laundry, only to discover it smooshed because someone sat on it. I could also suggest dreaming of empty containers in the refrigerator and pantry, so when she thinks there’s still milk or butter, all she finds is an empty container and is left with black coffee instead.

Social media is full of funny stories and skits about parents getting payback for their kids’ shenanigans once they become adults and parents themselves. And truthfully, it is funny. But watching our kids become adults is a whole different experience.

One of my gym friends showed me pictures of her new grandbaby and mentioned how enlightening it is to see our kids as parents. She said she never knew how her son would be as a dad, and it was awe-inspiring to witness the transition into full adulthood.

I haven’t experienced that yet, but I’m looking forward to it. My middle child is getting married in six months, and I can’t wait to see her as a wife and, eventually, a mother. Oh, and I really can’t wait to hear her complain about the food missing from the fridge and the empty gas tank in her car.

Thanksgiving 2024

Thanksgiving is upon us, a holiday that unites all Americans, regardless of their religious beliefs. It’s a secular family holiday that forces us to pause, look at our lives, and reflect on what we are truly thankful for. The easiest answer when asked what you’re thankful for might be health or money, but sometimes, you have to dig deeper and introspect—even if the answer is something just for yourself.

This past year has not been an easy one for my family and me. My husband was laid off from a big high-tech company, our family dog passed away unexpectedly, my home country has been in the midst of an ongoing war, and my PTSD returned. Truthfully, my heart was broken, and I cried more than I care to admit. Yet, even in the darkest corners of my heart, hope remained—small but steady—and for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful that, after less than a year, my husband found a new job. Reinventing yourself in your late fifties is no small feat, but he did it. I’m thankful that my adult children have found wonderful life partners who truly care for them.

I’m thankful that we managed to survive this difficult year and still found time to take a vacation, despite everything. I’m thankful for all I’ve learned about myself—about my strength, resilience, and abilities. I’m thankful that my imposter syndrome shrank a little this year. I’m also incredibly thankful for the growth and success of my side hustle, which I am working hard to expand next year. It’s exciting to see my M.B.A. skills come to life in my new business venture, and I’ve discovered a new passion along the way.

Despite all the hardships, I am thankful that hope never fully died. It may have flickered at times, but it always found its way back.