Embracing the yoga pants look

I discovered lately that once your kids are grown up and are no longer in the house you are no longer considered a disheveled mom. Apparently at this point, just like a Pokémon you evolve and become just a regular frumpy human being. Technically you haven’t changed, you just no longer have the excuse of why you are disheveled, you are no longer juggling getting kids ready for school, after school activities, grocery shopping or play dates. You have no excuses anymore. 

Well in theory you have no excuses but in reality I can come up with many excuses for my disheveled look. I am only going to the gym or the grocery store, I’m just walking the dog. It’s dark no one knows who I am anyway. See I told you I have excuses galore.

I always admired and was a little jealous of those who are  all put together at 8am,color coordinated and dressed up to the T, a situation that I have to admit I never was in by choice. This is an ability that is really beyond my capabilities and will never be achieved unless I am on my 4th cup of coffee. To those of you who wonder if I look like crap all the time, don’t worry. For  work I dress like a professional. However, once at home my  preferred attire of yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt is back on.  Especially that these days yoga pants have pockets.

When I was younger and childless I was always dressed nice and all put together even in my college years. Somewhere during the first pregnancy I switched the high heels and dressy clothes with comfort and never went back. And now in my 50’s I doubt it will be different.

So today I am owning my frumpy look and even embracing it outside my work hours, but if you see me wearing a velour tracksuit stop me immediately , that is too far gone even for me.

Nepotism and Family Business

The dictionary defines nepotism as the practice among those with power or influence of favoring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs. In some cultures it is expected as taking care of your family comes first. And in reality most of us would be happy to help a relative or to make sure our immediate family is well taken care of.

But what happens when your manager is not qualified to do their job as they were only hired because they are a family member? In big corporate type companies you can alway go to HR, but what happens if you work for a small private family company where you feel you have no options.

Some family members are groomed from a young age and go to college to get ready for a future  job in the family business, in other family businesses family members train from a young age and take beginner jobs so they will know all aspects of the business. These types of companies usually thrive as everyone has the goal of the company continuing being successful  after the founders retire. Many of these businesses really care about their employees and see them as vital to the success of the business. The general statistics of successful 2nd generation is 30% and third generation is around 13%. This means that the 2nd generation has a 70% failure rate.  So how does nepotism affect this success or failure? Putting people in managerial positions that they are not fit for just because they are family is probably part of the problem. Most of us know a person that you wonder how they tie their shoes in the morning has a c-suite position in the company. 

Now if a family member is just a plain idiot who is harmless that’s one issue, but what happens when this manger thinks they are above everything and behaves like they are untouchable. This manager can be toxic, abusive or just a bully. We as employees who are under these managers have a problem, I know for myself I would not trust HR. And even if I would dare to open a complaint with HR as being part of a small family business I would be very afraid of retaliation. 

In my opinion I believe part of the responsibility of the founder is to develop an exit strategy with planning a successor based on suitability for the future and in the present actually check before you give a leadership role to someone who is your child, niece or cousin. That is if you really care about your business. 

As the world gets quiet

I saw my audiologist today, we did a hearing test and I have lost more of my hearing. This is news that no one wants to hear, pun intended. I noticed my ears are not functioning as well as they did and that one side was getting even worse. This is new that no one ever wants to hear.

I got in my car and cried, arrived home and continued crying.

To those who have never had a hearing test, you are in a tiny sound proof room with a buzzer in your hand. You are supposed to press a button every time you hear something. But when you have hearing loss you sit in that room and try and try again and still can’t hear anything. And the longer it takes between the sounds you hear the more you  understand that you are in trouble, and then when that time is even longer in that tiny sound proof room you go oh shit! I am in big trouble.This is where the tears started for me.

We don’t always appreciate what we have or understand how our senses are important to our everyday life especially when we are young and think we are invincible, but losing a sense affects us hard. It affects our daily lives, our interactions with other human beings, our jobs  and even how we perceive ourselves when we realize we have a disability and we now have to learn how to deal with our new reality.

After two and a half years from losing my hearing overnight I am still dealing, some days are  better, some days are worse. You go through all the stages of grief and hope acceptance does not mean admitting defeat.

Today I feel defeated, hopefully tomorrow will be better and I will wake up ready to fight!

Beach walks

My husband loves long walks on the beach, yeap really. I know it sounds like a dating app description but he really does  love long walks and he really loves the beach. Luckily for him we are 15 minutes drive to the beach and a 35 minute bike ride (bike ride timing is by his account, definitely not mine). I don’t love long walks on the beach, I just like them. In our family group chat there will be a once a week question from him -anyone down for a beach walk? Every once in a while someone appeases him and joins him.

If you are a romantic, you could ask why don’t you join him? Truthfully, I do enjoy walking especially since our dog loves these walks. The issue is that he is tall with long legs and I am what you consider vertically challenged. Every step he makes is 3,4 steps that I make so even if he tries to walk slowly I still need to catch up. And really that means I have to run. Unfortunately for him I really hate running. Hate it so much that when I broke my foot last year I was happy that my Dr. did not allow me to run. This is funny because I was never a runner.

So how did we solve his long walks on the beach issue? I got him a girlfriend, a lovely 65lb Airedale. Big brown eyes and  loves walks. He has to hold her leash when we walk as this slows him down to do the dog sniffies and this slows him down  enough for me to be able to keep pace and actually  enjoy the walk instead of constantly feeling like I am running a marathon.

Hearing Aid Costs

I am in the market for a new hearing aid. There is nothing wrong with my current one, I have a top of the line one with bluetooth and some other settings that I never use. I am in the market because there is one big issue with hearing aids – they are not water or sweat proof.

Moisture is not a friend to those of us with hearing aids, moisture of any kind is the enemy, it sucks the battery life and we need to make sure to dry out the aids if they get wet. 

If you want to go swimming, boating or walk in the rain that’s a problem, not only that everytime i get in the shower I immediately touch my ears to make sure I have not forgotten to take them out.

Finally one company created a new aid that is waterproof and that’s what  I am shopping for. As there is only one company that has them you probably ask what’s there to shop for, it’s not like i have other options. And here lies my conundrum, my insurance covers aids. I am lucky as most companies do not, however the amount that they cover is not enough for the top of the line model so i have to compromise and choose a lesser quality level. I am lucky that not only do I have some insurance coverage I can also cover the difference between the insurance and the actual cost of the device. But what happens to those who do not have any coverage but can not cover the difference or any device at all. 

Why are those with hearing loss expected to function without aid? Losing your hearing is not only a function of age, many in my support group are young productive adults who have many years ahead of them. Hearing aids do not last forever, they deteriorate and need replacing every couple of years.

Hearing aids are expensive, good hearing aids are very expensive. Insurance coverage is questionable, some do not cover any cost and some cover a little. Most insurance companies cover only a fraction of the true cost. Last week over the counter hearing aids were approved, however hearing aids are not reading glasses, there is no one size fits most. We all have different needs and different settings and one ear is not like the other ear. So even though it is good that they are available over the counter this is a solution only for those who have minimal hearing loss and not for those with moderate to severe hearing loss.

Losing your hearing is not only a function of age, many in my support group are young productive adults who have many years ahead of them. Hearing aids do not last forever, they deteriorate and need replacing every couple of years.

Being a productive citizen and contributing to society is important, having a job is important, being able to participate in everyday life is important, and the ability to hear is a big and integral part of this. Those with hearing loss like me want to have the freedom to choose our professions or to interact with society and the ability to have a good quality hearing aid is an integral part of this. Approving over the counter hearing aids is one step but not the answer. Lowering prices of the aids,encouraging research, competition, creating more companies  &  requiring insurance to cover them is the answer.Why are those with hearing loss expected to function without aid?

Keeping up with old friends

I meet with my lunch group once a month. We have been friends since our kids were in elementary school so we have known each other for over 20 years. We started getting together once a month when our kids graduated Highschool and we realized that we will not get to see each other at drop off, pick up or school events anymore.

These women have been part of my life for many years, we cried together and laughed together. We celebrated when our kids graduated school, when they started college, when they graduated college and now when our kids are in a different stage of life and are starting their own families. This support was essential to our emotional well being during the pandemic and made us realize how much we needed these catch up lunches.

The last couple of years we all became busy again, life tends to do this and it was harder to meet as there was at least every other month of one us exposed to covid. Lately we added a Friday check in text, we text the group a couple of lines on how our week was. This way we are not only in touch but as one of our group members said – it forced her to think about something positive that she had in the past week, an excellent way to start the weekend on a positive note.

Maybe we all need to stop and pause and ask ourselves what was positive in our day, week or month, even if it is something small. I myself am really grateful that these ladies have stuck with me for the last 20 something years.

Living In a Food bubble

I love cooking books, I love cooking shows, love kitchen gadgets and I really love to watch my country’s Master Chef. The only problem with what I wrote in the previous sentence is that I hate cooking but I really love eating. I don’t come from a line of cooks or mini chefs, I come from a line of those who find short cuts. When my kids were young stir fries were eaten frequently as was pasta, pizza, quesadillas and tacos, all foods that were easy to make with 3 young children.

The last 3 pandemic years when we were all home kinda changed my love hate relationship with the kitchen, I started cooking more and trying new foods and flavors. When I watched Master Chef I discovered foods I have never heard about before that apparently are commonly eaten in my country, foods that I have never heard about. When I say this my husband keeps reminding me that we have not lived there for 30 years so that might be it. But in reality when I researched this I discovered these foods were there always. I apparently have been living in a food bubble.

Technically food bubbles are not bad thing if this is what you like, we all have our go-to comfort foods that we can eat all day and every day. I do have to add that I am a Celiac, which means I do not have the food freedom that most people have. But during the pandemic I decided to expand my food range and try new things or even convert some interesting menus to become gluten free.

I have succeeded on some and failed miserably on others. My baking skills have improved and I can make a mean gluten free Brioche and focaccia bread that are not hard as a rock the following day. I also discovered more ethnic north African foods I like and figured out how to make them. My fails were on foods that were foreign to me and I had no intrinsic feel of what they taste like, just how they look like on TV or on paper. But my food journey is not over and I am continuing on my mission of breaking my food bubble.

Finding joy

My dog has a collection of pinecones. She started collecting them as puppy. They are not allowed in the house, so my smart girl either leaves them next to the door or takes them to the patio where she has a bucket for all her pinecones. We are blessed with many pine trees around us and with every walk we take she finds additions to her collection. She is so happy and excited to find new ones and every time I see her I get a little jealous as I too strive to find such happiness from the simple things.

My goal in life is to find joy in the little thing, so I am following her lead (pun intended), learning how to find joy from simple things , seeing her when she finds a pinecone, seeing a butterfly passing by, my basil plants sprouting and even smiling when the pesky neighborhood squirrel eats my vegetables.

The phone call before you leave work for the weekend.

You go to work every day, happy or less happy, interacting with all your co-workers and with your clients. You get to the last day of your work week, a week that you thought was good, productive and had no issues. And then you get a call from your boss, a call that causes you to pause and look at your week and ask yourself did I miss judge my week? Did I miss anything?

You start to question yourselves and your actions during the week and after questioning yourself and asking the people around you, you understand it is not you. You just have a bad manager .

A manager that not only does not value or appreciate  you but is  also actively trying to depict you in a bad light while lying about your performance or constantly finding fault in what you do.

How do we deal with bad and toxic  leadership when there is no one above said manager that you can speak to?

When we work in small or family owned companies, we sometimes lose when a family member who is also your manager has no one to be accountable to. Issuing a complaint to HR will not do anything as even they are beholden to this family and their job is at stake as well. God knows that the annual anonymous employee survey is not really anonymous or even if it is no one will do anything about what you write.

Dealing with a bad boss is not easy, especially when you know that they are wrong.  Do we keep our heads low until we find a different job? But what if you really like what you do and your co-workers, do you give it all up for one bad leader?

As you can tell I am in a quandary, so for now I will enjoy my weekend and try to cleanse all the bad mojo out of my life and will look for all the positive things that I had this week.

If you are reading this on a weekend, I hope you have a great one, otherwise keep your spirit strong .

That dreaded training session

Today I had corporate training. Usually i get the notification that I have scheduled training I cringe, I hate training sessions, they are usually long, not efficient and not effective. I really do not enjoy them partially because they are on zoom and I need to be  in front of the computer for way too long for my cup of tea. However, today was a first for me.

I attended the training, complaining in my mind about it and then I was pleasantly surprised. Training was good and interesting and I actually enjoyed it, which brought me to think how was this training better? Especially since this was technical IT training that usually burns my brain to a crisp.

The difference was that this session was concise, effective and to the point with real tech examples and know-how. The trainer was not going on and on just to hear her own voice like some people I know. I left the training feeling that I gained knowledge and not wasted my time on another mandated session.

So why was this online training better, for starters it started on time and there was no wait for all the late attendees. Presentation was good and showed real examples that we encountered and solutions and not some theoretical mambo jambo that does not connect to us.The session was short, effective and efficient and I personally felt that the trainer valued my time and was not doing this training just to fulfill some corporate mandate. And lastly this trainer knew how to use the technology, in this case it was Zoom. I attended a training session last week with a trainer that wasted 20 minutes of our time not knowing how to share screens or look at the chat and frankly after the last 3 years of life in zoom if you have not mastered it yet get a moderator to help you. So all in all a good start for my work day!