Category: Self help

Finding Balance When Life Gets Out of Sync

I’m technically on vacation this week—well, a forced vacation, as our office is closed. In my mind, vacation means fun, sleeping in, taking naps, and enjoying good meals. But apparently, my mind and my reality are not on the same page. I haven’t slept in once, and fun seems to be in short supply.

The first day of my “vacation” didn’t involve a flight to Hawaii or a relaxing retreat. Instead, it included a root canal. Yes, a root canal. Working non-stop for seven weeks meant that not only was I exhausted, but I also neglected my health, sleep, and all my appointments. The only thing I didn’t sacrifice was Pilates. I stuck with it, no matter how tired I felt, and honestly, it became my lifesaver.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m all about maintaining a healthy work-life balance. But life circumstances changed earlier this year. My husband lost his high-tech job as part of the massive layoffs happening everywhere, and I became the primary breadwinner. Not only did I take on a regular 40-hour job, but I also had a side hustle. To make ends meet until my husband found another job, I had to pour more energy into that side business.

And so, the concept of work-life balance pretty much flew out the window. In addition to my full-time job that covered health insurance and paid the bills, I dedicated time to building my side hustle. The positive side of this was that I became laser-focused on its development and the direction I wanted it to go. The downside? Exhaustion. Exhaustion to the point where even sitting down to read a short book felt like a monumental effort.

Luckily, my husband has found a new job, and I’m able to worry a little less. But finding that elusive balance again is no easy feat. When you’ve spent so long running on stress, it’s hard to suddenly switch gears and restore equilibrium. My brain has become so accustomed to juggling multiple tasks at once that it doesn’t know how to slow down and regain some semblance of balance and sanity.

Scheduling doctor and dentist appointments is a step in the right direction—at least I’m putting my health first. But it doesn’t necessarily help my mental state. I’m also using this “vacation” to focus a bit more on my side hustle and how to turn it into a profitable business.

Will I manage to get some rest, or at least sneak in a nap during my time off? I’m not sure, but I’ll definitely do my best to make it happen.

Adapting to Hearing Loss: My Personal Journey

At my last Pilates class, my instructor told me that I am quick to follow directions. I didn’t think much of it at first—after all, I’m naturally fast. But as I reflected on it, I realized that my speed isn’t about being prepared. It’s because I can’t hear.

You’d think that losing my hearing, wearing hearing aids, and not enjoying background music in a class would make me slower to follow directions. In fact, it’s the opposite.

I suffer from SSHL, or sudden sensorineural hearing loss, which took away my hearing almost overnight in 2020. It happened during the height of the pandemic, and securing an in-person doctor’s appointment was difficult. By the time I saw an ENT, my hearing loss was permanent.

Losing my hearing isn’t just about the absence of sound; it involves my brain, too. Comprehending what’s being told to me, processing information, and responding appropriately all require more effort and concentration than they did before.

We all cope with losing a vital sense in different ways. Some retreat into themselves, others embrace their new reality, and some, like me, find ways to adapt. After the shock wore off and I realized that my life would never be the same, depression set in. I was consumed with fear about how I would continue living. It’s hard to work in customer service when you can’t hear what people are saying, especially when masks and barriers were mandatory.

At first, I avoided crowds, restaurants, and most social interactions. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in reality, I was isolating myself. As an introvert, I found it strangely comforting to be alone. But then I realized I still enjoyed being around people. So, I developed a kind of “superpower”—anticipating what people were about to say or do. Not being able to hear forced me to watch and observe. I learned to read body language, facial expressions, and subtle cues. In noisy environments, I became a silent observer, finding the smallest gestures fascinating and, oddly enough, entertaining.

When my Pilates instructor complimented me on my quickness, I just smiled. People don’t need to know that my brain is constantly processing, predicting, and observing. It’s my way of adapting to a world I can no longer hear in the same way.

We all have our coping mechanisms, this is mine and I hope that everyone finds their own way.

Made my 1st online sale

I made my first sale on poshmark yesterday and I was very excited, no I am not endorsing poshmark and I will not be retiring any time soon. The reason I am excited is that I’m finally moving extra clothes I do not need or have ever used out of my house, decluttering and making a couple of bucks in the process.

Cleaning your closet is an emotional process, at least for me.  It is the process of learning to let go and actually letting go. I have clothes in sizes that will not fit me again any time soon. I kept telling myself that I will use them in the future once I lose some weight , but in reality I was afraid to admit that my body has changed and that is ok.And in reality when and if I will need smaller size clothes I can always buy more.

The other items  I am letting go off are all the great deals I got during the pandemic and boy there were really good deals, such good deals that they were never worn and still have tags on them. Shopping online was very dangerous back then, we got constant deals and free stuff. The 

the only problem with all the good deals was that I did not need them. Like many of us I worked remote and meetings were on zoom and there was no real need for dresses, dress pants or blouses. But like other people I justified it with “ I will use it when we get back to the office” , I was over optimistic. I have yet to use 80% of the items I bought and now I am sending them on a journey to a better home and in the process making enough money for a sushi dinner.

When you had enough

I quit my previous job after almost five years many years ago.  I quit without notice and I did not even  give my employer at the time the courtesy of two week’s notice. I was burned out, working in a toxic workplace that had me having PTSD every text message I received from the owner. I saw the owner and his wife several weeks after I quit and had such a big panic attack and that just proved to me how terrible this workplace was.I liked my work, it was fun and challenging. I didn’t like the owner, his ethics and his work practices and definitely did not like the fact that his personal life with ex wife and second wife kept spilling to the workplace and got me stuck in between quite frequently. But as I returned to the workforce after many years as a stay at home mom, my choices were limited and I needed work experience on my resume. Employers looked at my volunteer experience and said great and ignored it.Me quitting without notice was way before the great resignation of the last two years, some employers and workplaces were toxic even before. There have been many articles lately about how you need to quit “nicely”, give your employer transition time and maybe get a good reference from them as well. But reality for some of us might be different. Some workplaces are so hard to endure that the daily panic attacks and the anxiety are not worth it. And at the end of the day we all need to do what we need to do to survive and keep our sanity. I do not regret quitting, I did leave everything for my employer organized and made sure that they will be able to continue functioning, not because he was worth it but because my internal justice mechanism would not let me do it otherwise. So recommendations are great on how to leave a workplace but there are so many reasons why we leave, and in some instances we have to put ourselves first. 

My Facebook was hacked this week

My Facebook was hacked this week, there is nothing special about it. I hardly use my Facebook and I very rarely post on it, if anything I only post stuff that is related to my blog.  I lost control over my account for several hours, mostly because I don’t go on my Facebook often and because the email I used for the account was my trash email that I rarely check. I would I would have seen the notification that my email and contact information was changed. Definitely an oversight on my side and will not happen again. I spent several late night hours recovering my account successfully and then changing all passwords on all my other accounts and adding as many layers of security that are available now.

I was done with all this at 1am and then took several hours to calm down and decompress as I was extremely angry and that created even more anger and aggravation in me.  This anger woke up my internal Liam Neeson as in the Taken movie series, and I am filled with fury and obsession. Or as my husband says there is nothing more worrisome than me with a vendetta. 

Despite being a middle aged woman with liberal arts degrees I figured out how to get my account back, find the hackers email (which I assume to be their junk email), track their IP address and block their devices. I have not decided on what to do with this information yet. But I have become a little neurotic, I check everything many times a week and too many during the day now,

Add the extra security to all your accounts, create your recovery codes, make sure your email that is connected to the account is updated and stay vigilante.

My not so green thumb

I love to grow plants, plants do not always love me growing them. In my youth I was very good at growing succulents, primarily because it was hard to kill them. Some of them are miraculously still alive 30 years later but that could be attributed to the fact that when I left my home country my mom took custody of my plants.  I was always envious of those who had plants that lasted and decided that at some point in my life I will make it. So I started  growing  hardy, hard to kill plants with some limited success.

As my motto is to never give up, last year I bought 2 raised beds  from Costco. I started with seeds and that had very limited success. I didn’t manage to grow anything beyond a beginner plant. It was nice to see something sprout but it was very disappointing. So I switched strategy and moved to buying starter plants. My focus was on tomatoes, peppers and basic herbs.

The tomatoes grew and so did the peppers, and even more the interest of my neighborly racoon. I managed to eat a couple of tomatoes and maybe a pepper or two before my raccoon co partner took a bite and we were all happy.

This year, I added eggplant with success, parsley, basil and some jalapenos. And I enjoy going out to my patio and using my homegrown herbs and veggies. My Airdale loves my new hobby as well. On Fridays she gets to join me  in the car and at the Lowe’s garden center as we look for interesting plants to add to my planters. 

Some of us were not born with a green thumb, I am one of these people and every day when I go outside to my patio to survey my plants I am astonished and amazed that they are still alive.  My persistence is apparently bigger than my not so green thumb and that makes my happy, so the lesson is not to give up even on the little things.

My Emogi Stone

In July 1799 Napoleon’s army found the Rosetta stone and ever since then hieroglyphs have been interpreted and understood. This was a great moment in history for the human kind and as someone could finally interpret the hieroglyphs in Egypt.

And then in the 2000 we had another monumental discovery, emojis. Ever since then humanity went back and humans started conversing again in pictures, apparently the cave man had it right. I recently received a text from a prospective client of mine on my work phone in response to something I texted them. Instead of a real conversation I received a text back with 5 faces with tears, 10 praying hands and 3 hearts. Mind you, this prospective client is an adult and this was a business text. We have never met each other. As I am  an adult who only uses emojis in texts with immediate family and friends, I was a little dumbfounded as I had no clue on how I am supposed to respond to this. 

What happened to business writing or texting? A couple of years ago I took a great class through Coursera on Business writing, professional texting etiquette was not part of the course. Neither was interpreting emojis part of the course. I am aware I am a little older and don’t use emojis that often and I do use real words and sentences so I am not always sure what the interpretations for emojis are. I am debating creating an  “ Emogi Stone” to help people interpret what other people are texting us or to make sure we are not texting something weird to others.

However, in my own personal humble opinion, there is no room for emojis in business emails and texts unless you work for a software company that creates emojis as part of their business. It seems like we regressed back a couple of hundred of years. So in your personal life go ahead, and if you really feel inclined to send me a business text, please   📧 🔠🙏

Eternal student

Every Tuesday I wake up very early for my language class. It is an international class so people log in literally from all corners of the earth. It is still dark outside, cold and everyone else is still sleeping. Even the dog does not understand what I am doing up at this  crazy time. And every Tuesday when the alarm goes off and I get dressed quietly in the dark so I will not wake my husband up, I ask myself – are you crazy, why on earth are you doing this? Go back to sleep.

And yet, after each class I am happy and I  smile, as tired as I am, I really enjoy this class even though I am not really good in this class. 

As an adult it is fun for me to learn new languages and just learn new skills. I find it really good for my soul as it brings me joy and probably helps combat dementia or alzheimer. Some tell me I am nuts for taking on new study areas. After I finally finished my MBA my husband looked at me and asked when I am going to get my PHD, I said never. But these days I am reconsidering. 

We are never too old to learn and yes I finished my masters at 54, but who says I can’t get a PHD by 65, I am not in a hurry and I don’t mind being an old woman when I get my degree. This is part of the fun of doing  new things when you are older and have the freedom to follow whatever your heart desires. Macrame, new language, or anything else that suits me at the time.

And if waking up in the dark, logging in to a class with people from all around the world makes me happy albeit tired, great. I shall continue, who knows maybe I did find my new calling as the eternal student.

Jumping in puddles

 

There is something fun about  jumping in rain puddles, unexplainable it’s just fun. You see kids doing it all the time, jumping and splashing all around. Just pure fun. As adults, we don’t do this so much. I in fact hate to get my feet and socks wet so I used to avoid puddles like crazy.

Technically living in southern california kinda helped, rain is not really big here and we have had a drought for the last several years.  But not this year, we had rain and rain and more rain. It’s March 22nd and we still have more heavy rains coming. We had so much rain this year that we surpassed Seattle.

Many years and a dog ago I bought rain boots at Costco, black rain boots with colorful polka dots on them. I didn’t get to use them much because rain is not really big here. Last winter I didn’t get to wear them even once. I broke my foot, courtesy of my dog. Not only did I not get to wear my rain boots, I hardly got to wear any real shoes. When I got these boots my husband thought I was crazy, my kids might have thought I was crazy even the dog might have thought so and yet I still wore them to walk the dog and I was happy.

We went on a trip to Japan this past November and the weather was mostly great except for one day. We had a tour at an old style village called  Shirakawa-a and it rained non stop, we got completely soaked including our feet, socks and shoes. The tour bus had nice warmers underneath the seats so we could dry our feet. And even though we got wet, it was fun and we used a hair dryer to dry out the shoes later when we got back to the hotel. This experience reminded me that it’s not so bad to get your feet wet although it would have been better if I had waterproof boots.

These days in the rain I walk in the puddles and have lots of joy when I do it. I am not worried about getting my socks wet when the dog keeps looking for a spot on the wet grass to do her business and when we walk on the sidewalk I don’t shy away from those rainy muddy water puddles.  

My take from this is we can always find joy in simple actions like jumping in puddles  but the other take is that it’s easier, less stressful and funner  to do things when you are simply  prepared or when you have your polka dot rain boots on!

I hate daylight saving time!

Daylight saving time started yesterday and I am not happy, I had work yesterday  so having to adjust to the one less hour of sleep was imminent. I love having light later in the day but adjusting to this time change takes me a couple of days, my body takes this one measly hour difference very seriously. There were several articles on how to get adjusted better, so for the last couple of days I followed the advice and got up an hour early but as expected I was also tired early.

Daylight savings would  probably be a great idea if I was a farmer but I am not, I’m just a paper pusher who likes to sleep and doesn’t like her circadian rhythm messed with. So even after day two of this time change I am not happy, instead I am tired and highly caffeinated.And I am not alone,  the Monday after  daylight saving starts is called Sleepy Monday and for a good reason,  it is the most sleep deprived day of the year. So how  does this help me? It simply  doesn’t.  I worked on day one of time change so even a nap was not in my cards and again I am working today and the rest of the week so  there is still no nap in my near future. I shall be tired and possibly grouchy for the rest of the week, at least that is my plan. Don’t say I did not warn you!