I saw my audiologist today, we did a hearing test and I have lost more of my hearing. This is news that no one wants to hear, pun intended. I noticed my ears are not functioning as well as they did and that one side was getting even worse. This is new that no one ever wants to hear.
I got in my car and cried, arrived home and continued crying.
To those who have never had a hearing test, you are in a tiny sound proof room with a buzzer in your hand. You are supposed to press a button every time you hear something. But when you have hearing loss you sit in that room and try and try again and still can’t hear anything. And the longer it takes between the sounds you hear the more you understand that you are in trouble, and then when that time is even longer in that tiny sound proof room you go oh shit! I am in big trouble.This is where the tears started for me.
We don’t always appreciate what we have or understand how our senses are important to our everyday life especially when we are young and think we are invincible, but losing a sense affects us hard. It affects our daily lives, our interactions with other human beings, our jobs and even how we perceive ourselves when we realize we have a disability and we now have to learn how to deal with our new reality.
After two and a half years from losing my hearing overnight I am still dealing, some days are better, some days are worse. You go through all the stages of grief and hope acceptance does not mean admitting defeat.
Today I feel defeated, hopefully tomorrow will be better and I will wake up ready to fight!
Schpilkes The Blog 